I’m not supposed to be here. This wasn’t the plan.
This time last week I was supposed to get on a plane to Canada. I’d had the farewell party, told my friends I wouldn’t be back until the end of the year. I was ready, set and raring to go.
And then everything changed.
So much so that I never caught that flight to Canada.
There are so many layers to this and a whole bigger back story to this than ‘there I was doing a downward dog and I suddenly realised I do love London after all so I decided to stay!’.
But I’m still processing it all myself, trying to piece it together, to understand how I slipped into what feels like the heart of me. Quite literally.
The only way I can find words to describe what it feels like is that it’s as if I just finally softened, opened up and slipped right into my core.
I stepped fully into me. Fully into my life.
I chose me.
Warts and all.
And in doing so I found my way home.
Where there is nowhere to get to, no tension, no struggle.
I want to understand how I got here so that when I inevitably slip out of it, I’ll know how to find my way back.
How to find my way home.
And as I piece the picture together, connect the dots and strive to understand how I got here I will share it with you all.
But today what I want to share with you above all is how important it was that I did go to Canada. I don’t want people thinking I feel like that was a mistake. Just because something suddenly is no longer right for me doesn’t mean that it never was.
Just because I changed my mind and am not returning out there doesn’t undo the importance of the time I did spend out there and my gratitude to the people who made it an incredibly special time in my life.
Making that commitment to head out to Canada was the best thing I could have done for myself at that time.
Because in doing so I showed myself that I was willing to do whatever it took to make me happy. It was out of commitment to myself, to my wellbeing and happiness that I made that move. It was an act of love. There is nothing that says I love you like moving to the other side of the world so that I could be happy.And I did that.
I got to live in my own space, spend time with me, painting, reading, writing. I filled my home with the things I love.
I gave myself the space I needed to really hang out with me and heal that relationship with myself. I made a love nest for myself.
In addition to that I got to have two of my best friends, who I’d been missing for years, as my neighbours, I made new and wonderful friends. I was inspired as to the joys of a simple family life. Saw how much fun it can be. I hung out with healthy, happy couples that taught me what nourishing relationships are like. I lived in a landscape that inspired me and made my heart soar every time I stepped out of my front door.
It was pretty incredible.
My time in Canada was an absolute gift. The fact that I was willing to go to the other side of the world to make me happy. Well that is all the proof I need that I am on my side. That I have my back. That I can trust me to look after me.
And that is priceless.
My move to Canada was an essential part of my journey. And so too is leaving it behind.
Honestly. You just never know for sure where life will take you when you let yourself lead from the core.